Overweighted's Blog

weight loss, wls, food, running, excercise, diet, run, bypass

Woe is me. August 22, 2010

So it has been awhile since my last post.  There are reasons….of course there always are.  I am trying to figure it all out myself.  Seems that my mood and my attitude could use some serious work.  I have been freaking depressed.  Depressed, tired and just feeling old in general.  I feel like something is lacking.  I am just not happy with myself.  It seems that no matter how many pounds I lose or how many goals I reach I am just not satisfied.  I cannot help but to read others blosg and postings and compare my life to theres.  I am not a perky 25 year old that go out and run 15 miles just for fun.  I am also intelligent enough to know that everyone has problems.  It is just hard to remind myself of that.  I have a lot of great things going on in my life, I am soon going on a great trip and have some new exciting challenges at work.  But that is hard to remember sometimes.  I find very difficult still to control my eating and change my habits.  This extreme intensive program has been going on for over a year and I am just simply getting tired. To be honest I feel ugly.  I look at myself and pick my self apart.  Really most days nothing is right.  I can make a full list of all the things about me that I hate.  I see my reflection and only see the frizzy hair, the lines in my forhead, the wrinkles around my eyes.   It doesnt help that I had to take time off….as a matter of fact an entire week off from my workouts and running this week.  I was having some pretty intense pain in my hip so I felt it was best.  I also needed the time off to really think about what I want.  What I REALLY want.  Do I want to continue with what I consider to be extreme running and training.  Do I want to get a handle on my eating and my still bad habits?  Am I prepared to do what it takes no matter what?  Can I mantain the schedue required to do this?  The answer is YES!  Yes I can and I will.  I have made a commitment to run the 1/2 marathon on Sept. 25th and that is what I am going to do.  And I am going to do it well!  I will stick to my training plan without letting up.  Now let me be clear.  That does not mean that I am still not feeling depressed, tired, ugly, and fed up…because I am.  And I am going to try and work on that to.  I am afraid that is going to take a whole lot more than the training for the 1/2 but I want to feel happy.  And this past week without the workouts..I have not felt happy that is for sure.  So I am now on a mission.   And I don’t plan on stopping.  I have come to far to give up on myself.  I am in charge of my own destiny.  I am not prepared to give that up.

How can I give up on this??? 🙂

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